Next chapter of the parody, the first one can be found here.
Chunibyo: Dark Fries Master, when will you finally drink my blood and make me a high vampire just like yourself?
Yutward: My title is Dark Lord of Darkness, not Dark Fries Master.
Chunibyo: Yutward, please drink my blood.
Yutward: As a high vampire I do not need to drink blood to sustain myself. So, I will pass.
Chunibyo: If I do not become a high vampire, I will age like those mortals. Eventually I will become old and unattractive. Then I will die. However, if you drink my blood then we can live together eternally as Dark Fries Master and Black Widow of Death. Then we can witness how universe will end and be destroyed by being absorbed into a Black Hole.
Yutward: What with that title. Do you even know what widow means, you delusional chunibyo?
Chunibyo: It has something to do with marriage but darker. So, I picked that. I want to marry you Yutward.
Yutward: Like hell it means marriage. Buy a dictionary, you dumb cunt. Also stop confusing my title.
Chunibyo: Dark Lord of Fries, please drink my blood.
Yutward: Why there are always Fries in that? I will take you to Macca and make you eat fried until you vomit.
Chunibyo: Oh, Yutward, we can finally go on a date.
Yutward: Why you, Nika
Chunibyo: I have abandoned that name eons ago, I am Black Widow of Darkness
Yutward: That was just the other Thursday.
Chunibyo: What about my blood?
Yutward: Alas, my fangs were sealed by the Twilight Watch. I cannot use them even if I wanted to.
Chunibyo: I knew that was the case, that is why I brought this syringe and blood testing kit. With that we can extract as much blood as we need to make me a high vampire.
Yutward: That will not work if it's not a direct contact between my fangs and your neck...
Chunibyo: We do not know unless we try. I already filled two wine glasses with my blood. We can drink them together for our eternal future together.
Yutward: So that is why whole bathroom was covered in some red substance. I thought you tried to make a magic circle.
Chunibyo: That took a while to get a hold to, but I eventually managed.
Chunibyo pulls a tray with two wine glasses full of blood and raises it to Yutward.
Chunibyo: Please drink, Yutward.
Yutward: That is a lot of blood, you will actually die if you keep doing that. You delusional chunibyo.
Chunibyo: I will die and be reborn as high vampire and will live...
Yutward thinks to himself: At this stage I might as well just drink it. A glass of blood will not kill me. I will look cool drinking it. Regardless of if it works or not, she will have to stop pestering me about becoming a vampire. Besides I do wonder what blood tastes like.
Yutward gestures in front of Chunibyo. Chunibyo looks at him with starry eyes.
Yutward: Very well, by the power of Dark Lord of Darkness, I shall drink your blood and grant you vampiric immortality.
Yutward grabs one of the glasses and drinks is down. Chunibyo keeps looking at him with starry eyes.
Yutward: So, do you feel any different now?
Chunibyo: Hmm, not really. Maybe we need fresh blood. I will make some more. With all my expertise with blood test kit, it will not take long.
Yutward thinks to himself: I pity vampires for having to put up with this nasty substance for their sustenance. Here I have to drink another one. However, after that she would have to make peace with impossibility of becoming a vampire and leave me alone.
Chunbyo filled another glass with her blood and offered it to Yutward. Yutward drank it just as he did the first one.
Chunibyo: Somehow, I feel even weaker than before. Perhaps I should hold the glass as you drink.
Yutward thinks to himself: I am starting to regret that I choose to call myself high vampire.
Chunibyo prepared another glass with her blood and offered it to Yutward.
Chunibyo: Please, Yutward.
Yutward thinks to himself: she makes such cute puppy eyes sometimes. Whatever, with stories of drinking blood I will have a harem of virgin maidens at my disposal and Nika will confirm that it did happen.
Yutward drinks, Chunibyo frowns.
Chunibyo: Still no effect. Maybe you should hold me in your arms as you drink.
They tried that as well
Chunibyo: Perhaps I should hold the glass as you simultaneously hold me.
They tried that as well. By that time Chunibyo looks completely frail and exhausted and Yutward dizzy with all the blood he drank.
Chunibyo: Perhaps if we kiss and you drink blood and...
That day ambulance had to take two people to the hospital. One with anemia, resulting from excessive blood loss. The other one with indigestion due to excessive amount of blood in the stomach.
Yutward had to go through extensive diagnostics, as doctors tried to figure out what could cause so much internal bleeding when all his internal organs were in good shape. In the end they concluded that it was likely causes by a radioactive elements poisoning, similar to Polonium poisoning of Litvinenko.
Ever since secret police guarded Yutward from second assassination attempt as national intelligence tries to figure out reasons why Russian government decided to assassinate this seamlessly ordinary guy.
Chunibyo is proud that government have finally acknowledged Dark Fries Master's importance and provided him with underlings. As for Yutward himself then:
Yutward: What the fuck did I got myself into...
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